Hamclap Strikes Again ! The Hamclap Seniors (3)
Extracted from a typical programme: 7.00 Parade and break the flag. 7.10 a practical demonstration of judo by an expert. 7.30 the art of self defence with practical demonstrations. 7.50 British Bulldogs played in the dark. 7.52 Practical First Aid.
Overheard one night after a Camp Fire:
"As soon as a Troop stops moving forwards, it starts moving backwards."
"We've got a new gas stove at home, Skip, it's got an eye- level grill, as long as you don't mind watching the toast kneeling on the floor."
During the Troop Show, the first act was closed with a dramatic presentation of the well-known song " The Ancient Britons ". All had gone well, with little Romans and Saxons trooping on at the correct time when Jim, who was wrapped in an old fur coat and very little else, rushed on to the stage to represent one of the hairy coats (which were meant for goats, gorillas, yaks, retriever dogs and llamas) when somebody trod on his coat tails.
Some years ago when the entire Troop was camping in Surrey, the Seniors challenged the Scouts to find them between 10 o'clock and midnight in the wood, where they would cook a meal and have a hot drink. The Seniors had prepared, in the middle of the woods, prior to the challenge, a hole which was 7 ft. deep, 4 ft. wide and 9 ft. long. They had covered the entrance with branches and were confident of the success of their plan. The night of the operation arrived and the Scouts errupted into the wood in a vain search, all except a certain portly lad, commonly called Fatty, who wandered around making deep sniff noises. By 11 o'clock the Seniors had cooked the sausages and were preparing the coffee when, suddenly, the heavens opened up and in dropped Fatty. Although a little disgruntled, the Seniors gave Fatty a sausage and asked him how he had discovered their hiding place. "Oh", he remarked loftily, " I just smelt the sausages and followed the scent backwards!"

A work-day at the District Camping Site was enlivened by the antics of Dulles, who continually slid down a wet cedar roof which was being covered with shingles. Safety ropes were being used, but Dulles seemed to keep working in an area where the ropes were few and far between. After three half-hearted attempts to fall off, all foiled by the presence of a solitary rope, he eventually managed to tumble over the edge and landed on the ground 10 ft. below. As he picked himself up he shouted with joy to the Seniors on the roof, " Look, I didn't drop my hammer or nails."
After a recent demonstration with an anatomical model, interest was aroused and culminated in a lecture of what does what and where. The lecturer took all the internal organs out of the model, explained their functions and laid them on one side. After ten minutes had elapsed the class was invited to replace the organs in their correct positions. It had taken the lecturer about ten minutes to remove the organs — the class needed two hours and even then all was not quite right.
The arrival of a new Senior Scout, a certain Michael O'Donoghue, coincided with an outburst of imitation Irish accents, imitation Irish jigs and imitation Irish stew. The stew was completed by a bright lad who tipped in a complete tin of curry powder.

The date was November the 3rd and the vicar of St. Marks asked one of the boys to remove a piano as he had no further use for it. The Senior said that he would love to have the piano in our Den (already overcrowded) and arranged to pick it up the following day.

It was six o'clock by the time the Troop had met, got out the trek-cart, and fixed two lanterns to the front and back. The trek-cart was called Nellie, and soon she was being trundled down the road towards St. Marks. When a very steep hill had been overcome, Mick, who was a little tired, claimed a ride. After the group had covered about a mile they had to stop at some traffic lights which happened to be near a bus stop. Mick was told to sit still, and as the queue of people was approached appeals for " Penny for the Guy" could be heard. Unfortunately this effort to subsidise the subscriptions for that week was not successful.

The piano was eventually collected, loaded without too much trouble, apart from a few crushed fingers, and the return trip started under the stern gaze of the local constabulary who muttered something about " Lights and road licences ". Although the piano was very heavy, progress homewards was fairly rapid until the steep hill just outside Hamclap was reached. Here all but one of the boys were transferred to the rear of Nellie with instructions to hold tight to the ropes. Slowly, as she tipped over the hill, her speed increased and, although partly controlled by the handlers, was definitely now in charge. Gradually the speed increased still further as the rocking cart rolled faster and faster down the hill, then suddenly, Jim who had been steering decided that he had had enough, and jumped clear. This was the last straw, Nellie now freed of all directional control dipped sharply to the right and stopped with the handle sticking in the ground. Unfortunately, the piano did not stop: it broke through the careful lashings, flew off the cart and continued down hill to stop eventually just outside the local hostelry.

The Seniors gathered round the wreckage of smashed wood and pinging strings and slowly heaped the remains back on to Nellie. The arrival at the Den was a little sorrowful; the wood from the tangled heap was sorted out and thrown on the bonfire while the metal was added to the ever-growing heap of junk around the rear of the Den.

STAN N. ALLEN.

Published in "THE SCOUTER" magazine in January 1962